sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize