Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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