6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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