He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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