I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
