i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
