..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he was CRYING into my vagina
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
