I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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