I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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