what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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