She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just found a bag of teeth...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
