period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
