I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
