So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
