i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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