she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize