whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
