i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
