bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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