She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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