Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Someone signed my nipple.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
