it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
