My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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