dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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