So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
