I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize