Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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