I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
me + whiskey = a bad person
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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