I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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