he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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