In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
God I need to hump something, right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
