We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
