I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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