but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
