I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize