Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
