I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
