there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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