you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
