A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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