i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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