Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
