She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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