My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just threw up on my dentist
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
