he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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