You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
