My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
