I'm really into asian looking animals
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
