I want to stick my p in your. b.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
