We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize