Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
