maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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