Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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