On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
