Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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