I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
