Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you still have your period?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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