honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
