Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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