How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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