nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize