So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You're like the curious george of whores
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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