I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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