woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
