3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
