Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
