You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize