five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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