Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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