do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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