If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
