She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
