Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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